Friday, April 27, 2007: just thinking..
you know how in those drama serials where the philandering husband keeps going out to visit brothels and prostitutes and the when the wife finds out she gets really angry but then eventually she forgives him and takes him back into the family again? sometimes i feel that i'm like that with God. not to say that i go visiting brothels and prostitutes! i mean it in a way of sin and how sometimes i disappoint God so much with what i promise Him which i dont fufill, just like a marriage vow broken.
and we all know, when we watch these kind of serials, that the wife is incredibly stupid to forgive him and take him back into her life, what if he goes and does it again? then what happens? surely there must be a limit to her love for him.
but strangely, God isnt like that. God loves me with an everlasting love. He loves all His creation with an everlasting love. and sometimes i wonder what He deserved to love someone as sinful as me. sometimes i wonder if God is incredibly stupid, He didnt have to love me.
talked to debs last night about relationships and love. she said that love was a choice and the choice is yours to make to love someone, especially at the times when you want to give up on the relationship. it has never made so much sense to me as it did last night. about loving people in secular relationships, and now as i think about it, God's love for me.
i dont deserve His love, and He surely doesnt need someone like me to love, but ultimately, He chose to love me, and to send Jesus to die for me. what more can i say? sometimes i feel so suppressed by the love that God has for me and restricted, and sometimes i tend to feel so restricted in my boundaries, i cannot do the things that secular people do, like get drunk, make out and have sex. (not that i want to, its disgusting, but you get what i mean?) and even thinking about these kind of things makes me wonder why God puts me around such pressures in the first place if He knew i had the potential to succumb to it anyway.
but then i also think of how His love has extended to creating us with our own free will, so that we could choose Him or to enjoy the luxuries of this world. its like saving up for something better. i have the choice to follow Him and His will or to follow the world and its inadequacies to satisfy me permanently.
my God is incredibly gracious and forgiving.
God i'm so sorry that i've disappointed You time and time again. Give me the strength to follow you wholeheartedly and love You the way You love me. God i am so grateful for You grace that has cleansed me of my inadequacies and Lord, i thank You for not giving up on me when i give up on my promises to You. Amen
a shout of praise.
9:53 AM
